Another in the occasional series of Ad Poetry Fridays.
I don’t believe in edgy for edgy’s sake
It calls attention to the ad, not the product
But there is such a thing as being too safe
In the birthday party commercial
We took out the cake (unhealthy)
And the balloons (bad for birds)
We nixed the piñata (dangerous)
The bounce house (too first-world)
And the gift wrap (not eco-friendly)
At some point, it stopped being a birthday party
And became a sad gathering in the park
With gluten-free snacks and biodegradable streamers
Then there was the phone ad.
While the headline, “Call your mother!”
Might upset some orphans
We don’t think it would affect response
And it might have been good to know your concern
Before 200,000 mailers went to press
Regarding the children with messy clothes —
It gives the mother a problem to solve
With your new detergent, and that’s OK
We don’t think that in most families
Children are told they’ll burn in hell for grass stains
But you might want to see a therapist about that
Finally, about the sexism in the home security ad —
After working two jobs where men who worked for me
Earned more than I did
And being asked about my Italian mother’s “Mafia connections”
By that idiot at the Toyota dealership
I am as sensitive about bias as anybody
But I don’t think we’ll get in trouble
For showing only male burglars
It’s not like they have a union
Before we begin to concept again
Perhaps we should all go to lunch
And discuss your fears, whatever they are
We’ll happily write ads without dwarfs or clowns
Men with small feet or women with nose rings
Flying or freeways, tunnels or cliffs
We won’t judge
We don’t care
As long as we know in advance