{"id":1287,"date":"2021-04-25T11:02:55","date_gmt":"2021-04-25T18:02:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.c3advertising.com\/blog\/?p=1287"},"modified":"2023-12-30T12:47:09","modified_gmt":"2023-12-30T20:47:09","slug":"how-to-make-sure-your-committee-sucks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.c3advertising.com\/blog\/?p=1287","title":{"rendered":"How To Make Sure Your Committee Sucks"},"content":{"rendered":"

12 Sure-Fire Ways To Win The Race To The Bottom<\/h2>\n

If you have been named or elected to a community organization or nonprofit Board, Congratulations!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As thousands of poorly researched posts on LinkedIn, Medium, and career-advice websites have pointed out, serving on a Board is an excellent way to raise your business profile, gain more clients, and make yourself a more attractive hire by proving that You Care. Probably. Possibly.<\/p>\n

Anyway, now that you\u2019re on that Board, making the most of that opportunity requires managing your Board Member responsibilities effectively. By which I mean, of course, appearing to do a great deal of Good while doing as little actual \u201cwork\u201d as possible. Here are some tips for making that happen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Get on the letterhead.<\/h3>\n

A few organizations throw everybody on the letterhead, which is awesome, except for the poor sap who has to update the letterhead every time someone joins or leaves. But for most organizations, getting on the letterhead means you\u2019re going to have to wrangle a spot on the Executive Board. The official way to get onto an Executive Board is to work hard on a committee, exhibit outstanding leadership skills, and do an amazing job of helping your organization to achieve their mission\u2019s goals.<\/p>\n

The unofficial, and vastly easier, way to get elected to an Executive Board is to heap effusive and unrelenting praise on any and all Board members who might vote for you. It also helps to speak at length during Board meetings about the work of committees on which you have done nothing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Another excellent tactic is to write emails about projects that you did not conceive, contribute to, or work on, in such a way that people think they were entirely your idea. This sounds like a risky strategy, but these emails are rarely challenged. This is partly because the people who are actually doing all that work are so busy that they won\u2019t notice what you did until it\u2019s too late, and partly because it\u2019s tough to make that case. What are they going to say? \u201cBTW Frank did not contribute that idea, did not spend the 80 hours needed to make it happen, and is not even on our committee\u201d sounds a bit petty.<\/p>\n

Finally, in the run-up to the election, be super-helpful to anyone who likes you. Take their calls right away. Run errands. Volunteer for anything that\u2019s not too taxing. Since elections are usually scheduled for lull times in a calendar, between large projects, this is the PERFECT time to be super helpful. Not much effort will be required.<\/p>\n

Before you know it, you will be on the letterhead! Now every time someone sends a physical letter on Board letterhead, there you will be. How often does your Board send physical letters on letterhead? Don\u2019t ask uncomfortable questions. It\u2019s getting on the letterhead that counts!<\/p>\n

2. Do not read anything. Ever.<\/h3>\n

Don\u2019t read memos, agendas, or emails\u2014not even emails that answer questions you asked. And those meeting minutes that you\u2019re supposed to review the week before the meeting, and be prepared to discuss? Hah! That\u2019s only important to the loser who has to take careful minutes and write them up. Pro tip: when trying to get on the Executive Board, do not apply to be Secretary.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0Respond promptly to the materials you do not read, to let the other members of the Board know that you are responsive. Promptly.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Thank each writer for the information within minutes of receiving it. Rest assured, this acknowledgement does not obligate you to actually read anything. If you\u2019re really bold, your email can even include sentences like, \u201cThank you for this email. Unfortunately I\u2019m far too busy and important to read it.\u201d These are sentences that someone I served on a Board with would actually write in emails, presumably with a straight face.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Complain loudly that you were not informed of things that were in the material you did not read.<\/h3>\n

This is both an excuse to do whatever you want, and a reason to let your fellow Board members feel that you have been wronged. Somehow.<\/p>\n

\"Bored<\/a><\/p>\n

5. Insist that meetings be short, and committee reports shorter. \u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Try to establish a rule that meetings should consist of a welcome, a quick approval of minutes that only four people have read, committee reports that are the equivalent of single slides, and expansive compliments to one another about what a great job you\u2019re all doing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The compliments are very important. <\/i>Use them effusively every time someone begins to discuss a change, a challenge, a project, or action items.\u00a0 <\/span>All of these things require work of some sort. Whether that work is learning something, thinking hard, or committing time, it is bad.\u00a0<\/span><\/i> When someone tries to refocus attention on important topics, say, \u201cLet\u2019s not dwell on the negative, Jane. Would anyone in the meeting like to add something positive to the discussion?\u201d This will bring on another round of shallow compliments, again derailing any meaningful discussion. Anyone who wants to discuss serious issues will eventually give up, and you\u2019re off the hook for another month.<\/p>\n

Pro tip: If compliments don’t work to derail substantive discussion, start an argument about the By-Laws.<\/p>\n

6. In meetings, tell people that you have brilliant ideas for solving big challenges, and that you will share them privately another day. Then never follow up.\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Despite your best efforts, it may happen that sometimes meetings include substantive discussions of important challenges. You do not want to participate in these, because that requires thinking, and thinking is very tiring. <\/i>So use the \u201cI have the perfect solution. I\u2019ll call you tomorrow\u201d ploy. It lifts yourself out of the discussion the way that Neo elevated out of the fight with the Agent Smith clones in The Matrix Reloaded<\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

About the follow-up: don\u2019t worry that someone will expect you to call them the next day with actual brilliant ideas. They won\u2019t. In fact, they are likely to be extremely relieved that you don\u2019t call them for any reason at all. For example, let\u2019s say that your name is Abigail and you are on a nonprofit Board with Ted. You drive by Ted\u2019s house while he is at work. You see that his house is on fire, but you don\u2019t call him. You don’t even dial 911. Later, Ted will say, \u201cYes, it\u2019s tragic that my house burned down, but the silver lining is that I did not have to talk to Abigail.\u201d<\/p>\n

7. Promote your friends, clients, and business associates at every opportunity \u2014 but always make it seem like you\u2019re doing the Board a favor. \u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Mastering this skill is key, because promoting your business is the whole reason you joined the Board in the first place. But since, in pretty short order, everyone else figures out that\u2019s why you joined the Board, it\u2019s wise to have defenses at the ready when challenged.<\/p>\n

For example, when other members of the Board remind you that you are violating the rules and playing favorites by handing out no-bid contracts, or by giving promotional or sponsorship spots to clients who have contributed no money to the organization, do not back down. <\/i>Instead, do one or more of the following:<\/p>\n